Validated Nervousness

Two Writing Teachers

Today I have some mixed emotions.  Three teachers from our district are coming to observe my reading block this morning.  All three are peers in my grade level.

To say I am a little nervous would be an understatement.  I don't like being singled out for a variety of reasons.  One reason is because I don't like the attention, but the main reason is because I don't want to be labeled as one of "those" teachers who think their way is the right way.

I have only been teaching for seven years and I continue to grow each year.  But I have worked very hard to make my reading block what it is today.

My first year of teaching I taught four sections of 5th grade reading.  I followed the basal's weekly plans and did most of the accompanying workbook pages....I can hear many of you gasping right now!

I hated that year and so did my students.  I spent that summer creating my own professional development by reading and reading and reading.  That fall I changed grade levels, along with my reading instruction, integrating reading workshop.   The more I read about reading workshop, the more I knew that was the direction I wanted to take.   But about four weeks into the school year, I began feeling the pressure.  I caved in and went back to the basal...another gasp!

Each year since then, I have developed and refined my teaching instruction through my own summer professional development.  I have merged reading workshop, Daily Five, and our state-mandated reading block to what I use today.  It has been a long, lonely road because I have been trying to do this by myself.  I had no one to bounce ideas off of or to collaborate with.

My corporation is very basal dependent, but teaching with the basal just wasn't for me.  I wanted more, and I found that many teachers out there taught reading the way I wanted to teach it.  (I hope to write a post soon on how I became basal independent.)

This year our corporation is finally making changes in our reading instruction.  When I was approached about being observed, I was hesitant, but I also felt validated.  That maybe, just maybe, I am doing things right and all the road bumps I experienced along the way were worth it.  It has been seven years, and no, I still don't have it all figured out...but I have continued to move forward, and I know I am a better teacher because of it.

So, today I do feel validated nervousness, but I think it's a good thing.  I'll let you know for sure after today is over!