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I have a student who I will call Hannah, who is emotionally disabled. She is a sweet girl, but has trouble dealing with anger. It is a rare occasion for her to have a smile on her face, but when she does, her whole face lights up.
Today Hannah was upset about something and refused to come to our meeting area. Hannah usually talks out and is disrespectful, but isn't usually aggressive.
Her desk was behind a book shelf and out of the meeting area, so I really couldn't see her. I told her she needed to come over, but I purposefully did not pay much attention to her otherwise. I started my whole group instruction while she sat at her desk. A little bit of time went by, and I called her over again. This time she came over and sat down although she grumbled the whole way. Eventually I included her in the discussion and we completed the lesson.
Tonight I had a conversation with the mother who helps in my room. She told me about a situation with a similar student in another school. She said there was a big difference in our interactions with the student. She said the other teacher "got in her face and gave it right back to her." I, on the other hand, gave the student time to cool down, ignored the behavior, and continued to "invite" Hannah over with the rest of the class.
We all know how important relationships with our students are, but I think it is even more important with students who have emotional problems. Having this conversation with this mother reminded me of the importance of teaching respect to these students. I know that Hannah does not have respectful role models at home because I have seen how her parents talk to her and to each other.
I went on to explain how I believe that part of my responsibility as a teacher is to model respect for my students. Showing Hannah and other students respect through talking out situations, giving her time to cool down, showing her positive alternatives to disrespect is not a standard, but still a vital lesson to teach.
If I don't teach this to her, where will she learn it?
Your final question says it all. If there isn't someone to show her another way to address issues, she will continue the cycle she has witnessed. How great for this mom to realize there are alternative ways to deal with defiant children.
ReplyDeleteTeachers who yell and "get in kids' faces" never cease to amaze me. I'm not saying I've never gotten angry with a student, but yelling and escalating the situation is not the answer. Your patience and understanding is perfect. I'm glad that mother/to-be teacher and child got to experience your excellent example!
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy for your student, the mom/teacher to be, and you! This situation could have easily escalated, but it's the de-escalation that is more important. I loved that this was your natural response, but after the conversation was the realization of how important the relationship and the modeling is in your classroom! Thanks for sharing this story!
ReplyDeleteSomething that may come naturally to you may take modeling, modeling, modeling, until learned by others. It's very difficult to change the the behavior patterns of children when the discipline/management/ encouragement approaches are different at home and at school. Your story made me nod and smile.
ReplyDeleteBravo, Leigh Anne. I think the most powerful lessons we can teach our kids, the ones they really remember, come from moments and interactions like the one you described.
ReplyDeleteThank you for being that model of respect, Leigh Anne. You're helping countless kids (who don't get it at home and for those who do and need the reinforcement).
ReplyDeleteI love that this "new teacher to be" saw the importance, beauty, and respectfulness of your teaching!! You are so right about being a role model for students.
ReplyDeleteYou provided such a great model for the teacher-to-be and to all of us. I had a similar situation in my class earlier this week where a student came in angry from an incident in another class. I am glad I was able to give him time and space to cool down because he has difficulty interpreting classroom interactions.
ReplyDeleteGentleness, kindness and respect are always worthy of praise. This day I have already been a little less gentle and kind than I wanted to be. Your ending question reminds me of the importance of modeling. Today I modeled making a mistake and asking for forgiveness.
ReplyDeleteThat is a great lesson too! Sometimes it is so hard!
Delete100% agree with how you handled this situation. So glad this child has you in their life to keep calm when things get tough.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your slice. Sometimes we forget that we are role models and the our children watch and listen to us for direction and guidance. You handled this situation with gentleness and consideration. Not only your students learned, but also the mom/teacher-to-be will keep this with her as she goes into her own classroom.
ReplyDeleteReminds me of a time I had a student like that. He was talking one day to his mother who told him that he was pushing her buttons, to which he replied, "Mrs. Smith doesn't have any buttons." Ha! If he only knew how hard it was some days to keep those buttons hidden and to treat him with the respect he did not give me. He eventually came around, so keep keeping those buttons hidden!
ReplyDeleteThat is hilarious! I will remember that one! Thanks for stopping by.
DeleteI completely agree with you. So many people don't show respect in general, but especially to children. If children aren't treated with respect then how on earth will they ever learn to be respectful themselves.
ReplyDeleteYou are a teacher who has a heart for ALL of her students! Your goal is to REACH them all! Kudos for your perseverance! I had a mini vacation today as a student who really likes to push my buttons was absent (and he hardly ever is)!
ReplyDeleteWhen a teacher has to 'show' the power, like that other teacher at the other school, she will never have the respect, which I think is why students learn from some teachers and not from others. Your modeling taught all your students, gave kindness to someone upset, and taught that teacher to be more than any lecture could, Leigh Anne. It probably also helped your own feelings. Love that you shared!
ReplyDeleteLeigh Anne,
ReplyDeleteI know this kind of child. Every year I seem to have one or two would struggle with their emotions. Your modeling of respect and patience for this individual is such an important lesson (and gift) not only for Hannah, but for all your students. They see and hear kindness coming from you and intuitively know this is how to be. They also see the outcome which is positive. The bonus in this is you modeled for a soon-to-be teacher what works!
I totally agree with you. I have read lots about these kinds of kids (because of my own two, as well as because of being a teacher). The metaphor that made most sense to me talks about the reptile brain-- when a child is in that emotional state and totally worked up, they are only capable of using their most primitive brain functions. Not only is it not respectful to get in a child's face, it puts them into "flight or fight" mode. and they either run away (physically or mentally) or come out swinging. How great that this future teacher is getting a chance to see an effective and caring teacher in action!
ReplyDeleteSo important to be respectful of our students. I'm glad you wrote about it - I love your modeling for your students and for the future teacher. Awesome.
ReplyDelete