Remember the Flowers #SOL19

I am participating in the Two Writing Teachers Annual March Slice of Life Story Challenge.  

Yesterday I spent  most of the day grading argumentative essays. As I was reading one student's paper, the tears came.

Earlier in the year I wrote this blog post on our Teach Write Chat Blog.

Back in 1978, I was an eighth grader, and the movie, Ice Castles was released.  I had this thing for Robby Benson (we share the same birthday!) so this quickly became one of my favorite movies. 

It is a story about a figure skater who becomes blind, and with the help of the character played by Benson, finds a way to skate again.  He prepares her for a big competition, but no one knows she is blind. (Suspend reality here!)  She skates a flawless routine to the theme song of the movie, "Through the Eyes of Love."

The audience gives her a standing ovation and begins to throw flowers out onto the ice.  She takes her  final lap, not knowing that the flowers are in her way.  She stumbles and falls, revealing her secret to everyone there.  Robby goes out onto the ice to help her and says, "We forgot about the flowers."

On the second day of school, I planned a "write-around" activity where I gave a starter sentence and students had to add on to the story.  Then we moved to another student's writing and added to that story. We moved four times to four different stories.  I thought this would be a great way to get kids up and moving while writing fun, silly stories.

Only I had one student who refused to participate.  I tried to coax him to write by telling him how much fun this activity could be. 

Still nothing. 

I came back to him and told him he only needed to write one sentence, just one sentence. 

Still nothing. 

So I let him be.  I later found out that he struggles with writing.  I was creating a space where he could stumble and fall, revealing his secret to everyone there, simply because I "forgot about the flowers."

The essay I read yesterday began with asking me to imagine a room filled with smoke, which led into his argument that kids should not smoke cigarettes. He told me that smoking leads to lung and heart disease, cancer, and even strokes. He gave me a statistic about how many people die from smoking and another one about deaths caused by second-hand smoke. He told me cigarettes have nicotine, and it's additive. He told me it was against the law to sell cigarettes to kids under the age of 18.  Then, he told me he had friends who smoke, and he was worried about them. He concluded with asking me to imagine a world no longer filled with smoke.

All this.

From a student who, at the beginning of the year, would not even write a single sentence.

Yes, there were tears, and if I could have, I would have thrown flowers.

Looking at the Heart

Deadlines. Seems I've had many of those these last few weeks.

But this morning, with visions of fall break swimming in my cereal bowl, I felt like I could breathe a little easier, take things a little slower. Lesson plans are done for our two-day week, grades are finalized for the first grading period. I seem to be caught up...at least for the moment.

My fingers feel the itch to write something besides my Master's work and my research study. I thought maybe a blog post might be on the morning agenda, seeing how it is the National Day on Writing.

As I clicked on my own blog, I found my way to Ruth Ayres' blog. In her blog post, she wrote about her encounter with A.S. King at a literacy conference this past week. It seems they both presented on similar topics, as Ruth also presented about kids in trauma and how stories heal. Once again, her words went straight to my heart.

Then I saw this tweet over in her sidebar. See those words, "what if we looked at the heart instead of the behavior?"  I read those eleven words, and I lost it. The release of the frustration and the helplessness and the feelings of defeat from the past few weeks just took over.

Then came the guilt, exposed by these same words.

I have students who come from hard places:   places without love and loved ones, places without safety, electricity and food, and places without hope.

I know that.

But lately, I have been looking at their behaviors instead of their hearts.

I have been taking the easy way out.

I have been blaming them.

I have been looking outward and not inward.

...and that needs to change.

I wrote a post about how everyone needs a Ruth in their lives. I still believe that, but I think it is time to change that statement to "How can I BE a Ruth?"

Thank you, Ruth, once again for sending your words out into the world and for opening my eyes and my heart in those moments when, yes, I need a Ruth.

A Hole In My Cape

I believe teaching is a difficult profession, yet one of the most important and rewarding. Children sit in our classrooms today and tomorrow will be the ones leading us, taking care of us, and making decisions which will impact all of us.

That is a humbling thought.

Many people see teachers as super-heroes.  If this image is accurate, then my cape got a hole last week.

Without giving too many details, I was verbally attacked by a group of students.

I was in the middle of working with them through a difficult text, and they were not doing their part in the learning process.  Because of their behavior, I stopped teaching and had a conversation about the importance of learning, graduating high school, and finding a good job in order to support themselves.  I told them it starts in sixth grade.

I am sure many of us have had similar conversations at some point with our students.

Sadly, they took my words, twisted them, and spit them out with a "strong dislike" for me, teachers, and school in general.  They became enraged and took that rage out on me.

The next day, I talked with the dean of students, and I requested that no suspensions be given.  However, I assured him I would stand by the consequences they thought would be best.

Later that day, a few students came in and said they owed me a thank you for not getting them suspended.  Another one asked why I would do that.

A third one, who was not involved in the incident but is a student in the class, quietly replied, "Because she is nice."

I didn't do it because I am nice.  I did it because after much thinking, I felt it was the right thing to do.

• I want them to know they have a voice, but that doesn't mean their voice needs to be disrespectful or full of hate.  Suspending them would only send a message that their words don't matter to me. I want them to know they have a voice in my classroom.

• I know suspending them would not lead to the results I want.  I want a community of learners who listen to each other, who question perspectives, who discuss problems, and who collaborate and work together to find solutions.  Suspending them would not get me those results; it would only feed the anger.

I know that I need to learn from this experience as much as they do. Reflecting back on that day, I have questions of my own and answers to find.  Why do they dislike school so much?  What can I do to teach them how to handle disagreements? How do I show them to use their voice in a positive way? How do I rebuild those relationships? How can I get them to understand that literacy is the key to opening up their world to all that is possible?

But the most important question I have from all of this is where do we go from here?  I have a three day weekend to think about how I will handle things on Tuesday afternoon.  

Yes, my cape got a hole last week, but thankfully, I know how to sew.  I will wrap that thread up in resilience, compassion, and respect.  And hopefully, we will patch that hole up together.

The Needle and Thread

Each week Ruth Ayres extends an invitation to share the celebrations from our week. It has been awhile since I have written a celebration post.  This week was one of those weeks where I taught lessons and learned a lesson.  That is always a cause for celebration!

This week my middle school held its second annual door decorating contest.  It is a week a chaos, messiness and a whole lot of fun.  

My students created a Christmas quilt for our door.  It has not been one of my best years, and I was leery about letting my entire class participate in this year's contest.  I tried to make it simple, yet include each one in the process.  I decided the quilt would be just the answer.

Each student had a nine block pattern and created their own design pattern.  The only rule was that it had to be colored with red, green, and yellow crayons.  (Another reason why dandelion should NOT have been retired!)

My students of the week began piecing it together on the door.  We used the words which were suggested by Margaret Simon, 

"Christmas stitches us together 

with JOY!"

Now if any of you quilt, then you know just how important that 1/4 inch seam allowance is!  As the students pieced it together, the more distorted it became.  And the more I had to close my eyes and say, "kid created" because the sashing, borders, and blocks not lining up was driving me crazy.

Our blocks were crooked, our seams didn't meet, and we had gaps where we shouldn't have had gaps.  As I stood back and looked at our finished door, I realized that my classroom was just like this quilt.  

Each block is different with their own little design, just as each one of my students are. They come from different backgrounds, different abilities, and different personalities. But each one is special in their own scrappy way. Their seams don't always meet. They make mistakes which create crooked paths. They have gaps socially, emotionally, and academically which need to be filled.  

As this epiphany hit me, I realized how much they depend on us, as teachers, to "patch" them up.  Teachers help them to realize they are unique designs, and each block has a special place in the quilt.  We help them to realize their seams might not match, so we set them on a straighter path.  We may even have to rip some out and help them realize starting over isn't so bad.  We need to teach them that the seams are what holds the quilt together.  

And the gaps...oh my are there gaps. That is when teachers add a little here and add a little there to help the masterpiece come together.

And so I added the line,

...and teachers patch us up

with LOVE!

Our door was 6th grade runner-up,
but I think it was the emotional appeal of the judges and NOT neatness! 

So yes, my door is a little scrappy, a little crooked, and in need of a little patching.

Just like my students.

What did I learn this week?  I need to look at my students like this quilt and realize they are not perfect, and they have gaps, and they certainly have crooked seams, but they are trusting me and needing me to hold the needle and the thread.

Finding Relationships in the Middle of Conferring

Today I am participating in Digital Learning Sunday with Margaret Simon at Reflections on the Teche.  This week Margaret has encouraged us to share our thoughts on relationships.

I write many posts about my relationships with my students because I know they are key to student learning.  Research overwhelmingly supports this, but many of us do not need research to affirm our beliefs.  

We live and breathe it every...single...day.  That is all the research we need.

I have been taking an online miniCourse from Ruth Ayres called Conferring Notes 101 Lite which is strengthening my beliefs about relationships.  She believes that "conferring is the heart of teaching writers."  But sitting right smack dab in the middle of conferring are relationships.

When we confer with students, we build relationships with them.  Pulling up a chair, sitting alongside a student, and giving them our attention let's them know that we care not only about their writing, but about them.

Effective conferring is a weakness for me, which is why I am taking advantage of Ruth's free course.  Regardless of how ineffective my conferring is, my students still need and want that one-on-one time with me.  That short period of time that I spend with a student in a conference gives me a glimpse into their writing, but also helps me to build those relationships. 

Ruth's key points in her first session are:

• Conferring connects us to students.
• Conferring builds confidence in student writers.
• Conferring tailors teaching to the point of need of every student.

Each one of these is the foundation of building those relationships, which is the key to learning.

Infographic by Sylvia Duckworth

I May Have Hooked A Reader Today

Thank you Two Writing Teachers for creating this space for me to share my corner of the world.

I may have hooked a reader today.

I walk down to our alternative classroom with a copy of Scar Island by Dan Gemeinhart in my hands.  I have been waiting for it to arrive so I could give it to one of the students in that classroom.  Without violating student privacy, let's just say this student has a little bit in common with the main character. 

I go up to "G" and say, "I have a book for you."

"I ain't readin' no book," he says with a scowl on his face.

Ignoring his announcement, I keep pressing on.  
"It is about a boy named Jonathan Grisby who is sent to a reformatory school for boys on this island."

"I ain't readin' no book."

I keep pressing on.  "All the adults get killed and the boys are left by themselves to run the island.  I think you will really be able to connect with one of the characters."

"I ain't readin' no book."

I keep pressing on.  "Well, why don't I just leave it here on Mrs. V's desk just in case you change your mind.  I think you will like it, if you just give it a chance."

"Ok, but I ain't reading' no book."

A little later in the day, I see "G" walking in our wing.  When he sees me, he gets this great big grin on his face.

"I started reading that book.  And I ain't nothin' like that kid."

Oh, yea...I think I may have hooked a reader today.

Forward Motion ~ Celebrate 2017 (Three)

Each week Ruth Ayres extends an invitation to share our celebrations. 

When I chose my one little word for 2017, I created a monthly theme to accompany it. January was "Embrace Challenges."  Little did I know at the time, my personal life would test this.  But I chose embrace challenges because I knew a student, was returning to my classroom from our alternative education classroom.

I wrote about this student in another celebration post earlier in the year.  Each day with "B" brings a different set of challenges.  Will he cooperate?  Will he work? Will he act out? But each day I push forward.  

Many days it is one step forward, two steps back.

When we insist on dwelling in the backward motion, we reject embracing the challenges and increase the potential for failing our students.  

Yes, there are days when the rythym of my breathing is "ignore, ignore, ignore...push forward."  But it is this forward motion that grounds my belief in "B".   

Late this week we made a step forward, and I solicited some help from other teachers to support him.  A colleague, Mr. K., sent me a picture of this student reading (which he has refused to do all week) in his classroom.  Along with the picture, he sent these words:

"We never give up in our quest." 

Mr. K. is also a teacher who believes in relationships, who believes in forward motion, and who believes in this student.  I am lucky to have him as a colleague.

Yes, we may have many bad days; but it is those in-between moments, along with teachers who believe in celebrating forward motion, that I must hang on to. If not, I will fail those students who need me most.  And I refuse to fail.

The Gift - Celebrate #23

Each week Ruth Ayres extends an invitation to share and celebrate events, big or small, from our week.

It is Friday afternoon, and I have spent the day grading narrative essays.  As I dig my way out of the deep, dark grading hole, I find celebration.  

I just finished reading a student's narrative, and I see evidence of some of the lessons I taught. That is cause for celebration.  

But what I celebrate more is the teacher in his story.  "David" moved here from another school, so I do not know much about his teacher.  What I do know, is this 1st grade teacher made a difference in his life by giving him a gift, a gift he calls his best gift ever.

I will never know the story between David and Ms. Corner, but I can read his words,

and I understand,  

and I celebrate.

Have you ever received a great gift?  I got my best gift at my house and I was so happy.  When I was in 1st grade my teacher gave me a Christmas gift.  

One day I was talking to my teacher, Ms Corner that I wanted this car for Christmas. On Christmas morning I was so excited to open gifts, but I had to wait for my mom and dad to get up. When my mom and dad woke up my dad  handed me my gifts from under the Christmas tree.  In the middle of opening gifts I saw a gift that looked like the car.  When I found the gift I started ripping the paper open. When I saw the car it made my day! It was the best day in the world! The car so cool and it was the best gift I have ever got for Christmas and I was so happy.

The mustang is blue with a white stripe from the front to the back. The car can go fast and you can ramp it. It can go high up in the air and when it comes down onto the ground it goes really fast.  When you push on the gas it does a backflip. The car was the best car I have ever got.

I gave my mom a hug.  When I got done eating me and my mom went outside and played with the mustang. At the end of the day my aunt and my cousin went home. It was the best gift I have ever received. I thought that I got it from my mom, but really it came from Ms Corner. When I got back to school I said thank you so much for the gift and I gave her a gift that was a box of chocolates and a cup that said you are the best teacher in the world with a happy face at the bottom she was so happy that i got the cup for her and she gave hug and sid thank you for the cup and I made her day. :)

Why I Stopped Reading Ms. Bixby...For Now

Ms. Bixby's Last Day has been a book of false starts for me.  

According to Goodreads, I started this book on September 3rd, and it is now October 16th.  I would read a few chapters, and then another book would find its way on a higher rung of the To-Be-Read ladder, leaving Ms. Bixby back on the nightstand.

I had read the reviews from other teachers, and I knew this was my kind of book - heart fiction, the books I devour.  I even learned the author was from my home state of Indiana.

But the book still sat on the nightstand...until last night.

I decided to give it another try, and this time, I could not put it down.

I read to page 232.  

And I stopped.  

And I cried.

"We all have moments when we think nobody really sees us.  When we feel like we have to act out or be somebody else just to get noticed.  But somebody notices, Topher.  Somebody sees.  Somebody out there thinks you are the greatest thing in the whole world.  Don't ever think you're not good enough."

I fear how this book is going to end.  And a part of me doesn't want it to end.  But I stopped because I want to be Ms. Bixby.  I want to be one of the good ones.

I thought about those students who sit in my classroom day after day and feel unnoticed or act out in order to "be seen."  I want to see them, really see them, maybe for the very first time.  In my mind I went through the roster of former students, and I saw Steve and Topher and Brand looking back at me.  I want to think I made a difference, but I aways question, "Was it enough?"

My heart has been altered by reading this book, which is one of the reasons why I read.  I have always believed in the power of relationships.  When I read a book about a teacher like Ms. Bixby, it reminds me of why I became a teacher in the first place... 

and all that I aspire to be.

Thank you John David Anderson.  

Agency - It's Not Just for Students

Digilit Sunday

Today I am participating in Digital Learning Sunday with Margaret Simon at Reflections on the Teche.  This week Margaret has encouraged us to write about agency.

It is funny how when a topic is chosen, it seems to turn up in my teaching life.  Or maybe it is because I am more open to looking for the topic of discussion.

Yesterday I had the privilege of watching two live sessions of The Edcollab Gathering. The first was Katherine Bomer's session about writing essays, the topic of her new book, The Journey is Everything.  She talked about giving students space to think about what matters to them.  

The second session was Kim Yaris and Jan Burkins, the authors of "Who's Doing the Work?"  One part of the discussion was about how work such as confirming and crosschecking while reading, needs to be the work of the reader, not the teacher.  

Both of these sessions were about student agency or when students become their own teachers.  Research shows that students learn better when they take charge in their own learning.  Agency empowers students to believe they have the capacity to learn.  During Kim and Jan's presentation, they showed how easy it is for teachers to "do the work" for students.  I am guilty of this. Sometimes it is much easier and quicker to step in.

These two sessions led me to reflect about agency in my classroom.

How am I creating space, time and opportunities for my students to be agents in their own learning?   

How am I lessening my role in the classroom so I am not promoting learned helplessness?

I am also reading Visible Learning for Teachers by John Hattie for a book study.  This book has me thinking about teacher agency.  

The big idea throughout Hattie's book is that we, as teachers, need to see our primary role as the evaluator of our effect on learning, not the evaluator of our teaching.  

As teachers, we often dwell on why students can't learn.  Is it because of their backgrounds, their lack of motivation, their learning styles, their inattentiveness, their refusal to take medication, or the lack of supportive parents?  

Hattie implies that focusing on these explanations is the root of deficit thinking, and we cannot change them.  Could this be learned helplessness?  

Instead, we must think of ourselves as positive change agents.  Hattie stresses that "teachers' beliefs and commitments are the greatest influences on student achievement over which we have some control" (25).

If I am to believe that these changes are within my power as a teacher, I need to ask myself these questions from Hattie's book:

How am I creating an optimal classroom climate for learning?

How am I monitoring learning and providing feedback?

How am I organizing content so students have a deep understanding of the content?

How am I setting expectations for all students to reach success?

How am I setting challenging student goals instead of "do your best" goals?

If student agency is a way of empowering students, then isn't teacher agency just as important?  The more students become teachers and teachers become learners, then the more successful are our classrooms.

"Those" Students - Celebrate #18

Each week Ruth Ayres extends an invitation to share and celebrate events, big or small, from our week.

Many students come to us with labels - reading labels, cognitive labels, behavior labels, economic labels.  Many times those labels are categorized as "those" students.

I have one of "those" students this year.  "B" has become my challenge, my goal, my celebration.  "B" doesn't like school, hates teachers, and does very little to keep that a secret during the school day.  I told "B" on the first day of school that my goal for this year was to keep him school.  That goal is in jeopardy.  

Building relationships with "those" students is even more important.  Each teacher in our school was asked to choose a student to focus on this year, and we are to document how we are making that extra effort with them.  

The day I chose "B" my colleagues just looked at me.  They know how difficult this task will be.

If not me, then who?  If I don't try, if I don't believe in "B,"  then once again, "B" loses because another adult has given up on him.

I have learned from Ruth the importance of loving "those" kids, the ones who are difficult, the ones who come from hard lives, the ones who don't feel loved.

I have learned from Ruth to celebrate those small moments, those moments which give us hope, those moments which give us joy.  We cling to these moments so that believing in "those" students becomes easier.

Today I celebrate one of those moments.  

We had an on-demand writing this week.  I sat down beside "B" and asked him to give me his best.  I told him I thought he could do this work, but he had to show me that he could.  My last words to him were, "I believe in you."

This is what he gave me.  This is what I celebrate.  It gives me hope.

The Importance of Relationships: A Reminder from Pat Summitt

Thank you Two Writing Teachers for creating this space for me to share my corner of the world.

It is a very somber day in my house.

I woke up this morning to a daughter who was experiencing a personal form of grief. She woke up to the news that her idol, Pat Summitt, had passed away early this morning.  

Megan has been a Lady Vols fan since she began playing basketball as a young girl. Her senior year, she attended a camp at the University of Tennessee with her high school team, and she has watched the women's team play several times. She even met Pat once at an Indiana Fever game and had her picture taken with her.  Pat Summitt and the Lady Vols have had a huge influence in Megan's life as a girl's basketball player.

Now that Megan is a teacher and a coach, Pat's influence is reaching her in new ways.

As I sit here on the couch listening and watching the celebration of Pat's life, one word keeps winding itself around the reflections and memories of those who knew her...relationships.

Yes, her former players and people in the world of sports talk about her fierce competitiveness, her demands, and even her icy blue stare.  But the common thread in their words is the relationships Pat had with everyone who came in contact with her.

Today as a teacher, I am reminded of the importance of relationships from a legendary coach.

My students deserve a teacher who builds relationships before building lesson plans.  

My students deserve a teacher who will not settle for anything less than their best in and out of the classroom.

My students deserve a teacher who sees them as more than a test score or a reading level.

My students deserve a teacher who will give them the confidence that they can achieve far more than they ever thought they could.

My students deserve a teacher who will teach them life lessons along with lessons in reading and writing.

My students deserve a teacher who makes every decision by putting them first.

It's not all about the game on the court, or in my case the learning in the classroom; its about the relationships with those who are in our life, something Pat Summitt's legacy is built upon.

A Bittersweet Goodbye - Celebrate #11

 

Each week Ruth Ayres extends an invitation to share and celebrate events, big or small, from our week. 

My summer officially started this week, and that is a cause for celebration.  But a part of me did not want that celebration to begin because it meant I had to say goodbye to a special group of students.

Two years ago I made the decision to leave 4th grade and take a 6th grade position at our middle school.  At the end of that year, I said goodbye to a wonderful class. It was a year filled with "specialness" and one of those years that every teacher dreams of having. Knowing that I could have the opportunity to teach them again as 6th graders made saying goodbye a little bit easier.  

Last fall when I received my class rosters, I was thrilled when I saw most of my 4th graders on that list.  It is special when a teacher has "that" class, but to have them for a second time was serendipitous. 

It has been so much fun watching them learn and grow as students again in my classroom, but it has been a privilege watching them become young people.  They are smart and kind and funny and talented.  I am proud of who they have become, and I look forward to watching them move on.

I know teachers are not supposed to have favorites, so I will just say they occupy a little extra space in my heart.

Saying goodbye a second time did not make it any easier on Wednesday.  But I know my life has truly been blessed because they have been a part of it.  I am proud to have been their teacher...twice!

My 4th Graders

My 6th Graders

#WHYITEACH ~ Part Two

Have you ever said yes to something, and then wonder, "What in the world did I just do?"

I agreed to let our high school newspaper write an article about book clubs in my classroom.  A student reporter asked to come and observe the book clubs in action and ask me and my students some questions.

Here is where I say yes.

Only one of my classes fits into her schedule.  The class with the most behavior problems.  The class where reading is not their favorite thing to do.  The class where reading is not the easiest thing for them to do.

Here is where I wonder what in the world did I do.

I had prepped my students yesterday by telling them we were having a visitor and why she was coming. Today they walk in, find their seats, and see her sitting in the back of the classroom.  I teach my mini-lesson about looking for critical scenes and jotting those down on sticky notes in order to prepare for Discussion Day.

Then I send them off to their groups.

Here is where I hold my breath.

I quickly scan the groups and see which one I want to go to first.  And then I hear it. The buzz.  The buzz of students discussing their books.  The buzz of enthusiasm over reading.

This continues for 15 minutes, and I ask them to return to their seats for questions from the reporter.

The first question is, "What was your favorite part of book clubs?"  

Hand after hand goes up into the air.  They tell her how much fun it is to read with their friends, and how reading these books pushes them as readers, and how reading makes them think about things in different ways.

And here is where I smile.

When I carry that passion and enthusiasm for reading into my classroom each day, magic happens.  And I was able to see that magic happen today...in an unexpected class.

That is why I teach.