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As I sat and thought about my slice for this week, I looked at the calendar and realized that December 8th had passed me by. It was just another day.
Forgive and forget? Is one more important than the other? Does one happen before the other?
Do you ever truly forgive, if your heart can't let go of the pain? Will your heart heal, if you are truly able to forgive? I have wrestled with these thoughts most of my life. Here is why...
Just Another Day
It's December 8th
five years since
the day my dad passed away
the day my dad passed away
but for me
it was just another day
it was just another day
I search my heart for memories
the happy ones seem to hide
the sad ones come to the surface
I was the second child
in two years
I was a disappointment
I was not a boy
Growing up was difficult
we never got along
it was always my fault
I was always to blame
Divorce came when I was twenty
some say divorce is harder on younger children
it's not
at twenty you understand
you know what tore your family apart
I tried to forgive
but somedays
my heart continues to hurt
even as an adult
I tried to forgive
but somedays
my heart continues to hurt
even as an adult
I gave him his first grandchildren
their memories are
Christmas
birthdays
the papaw with the presents
He never really knew
their unique personalities
their hopes
their dreams
them
December 8th
it's a snow day
his wife calls
you must hurry
not much time left
My sister and I
drive three hours
hoping to get there in time
In his room
we watch
his labored breathing
his last breath
My sister sobs at his side
I stand in the corner
a tear comes
not because he is gone
but because of all he has missed
What a powerful piece!
ReplyDeleteThis is a powerful poem and dredges memories in my own heart as well. You are right....the sadness is in what they will not know...and in what your children will miss...
ReplyDeleteOh Leigh Anne, what a poem! Thank you so much for sharing!! I can feel the loss and pain and regret in your words. I feel honored to read these words. Your vulnerability in your writing is admirable! Sending you a virtual hug!!
ReplyDeleteThis is beautiful. I don't have word to match yours. Thank you for the feelings you woke in my heart. It aches for you and your children.
ReplyDeleteLeigh Anne, I read this and feel such sadness for your dad and also for you. Writing really is a powerful way of making sense of life…
ReplyDeleteLeigh Anne, your words capture the pain and loss that you feel. This must have been a difficult piece to write, but your poem gives a place for your hurt and longing that that things could have been different.
ReplyDeleteLeigh Anne, how touching. I agree that the sadness is in what was missed. This should be a wake-up call to all to be an active part in the lives of those we love.
ReplyDeleteThis is heartbreaking. I understand your feeling, as there are many parallels to my relationship with my father. It is so sad what these men missed in their life. Beautifully written!
ReplyDeleteI lived this too, Leigh Anne - but I learned what NOT to miss in the lives of my own children. Your poem is so powerful - especially the last stanza. Thanks for sharing it with us today.
ReplyDeleteYes, Tara, I always love equally with my children because I don't want either of them to feel like I don't!
DeleteOh, Leigh Anne. I'm sorry for the loss of what could have been. I cannot imagine feeling this way about one of my parents. Your heartbreak is so apparent in your poem. I hope you find some peace in the the weeks to come.
ReplyDeleteI lost my father this year. Loss is so complicated and I am learning about it every day. Thank you for helping me heal through your writing.
ReplyDeleteClare
I'm sorry for the loss you've had too, of your father when he was living, but what a loss it was for him too, to not know what a wonderful daughter, now wife and mother you have become, and not to know, as you wrote so poignantly, your children. I'll probably never understand people who have such parameters that fence their lives into small boxes. They miss so very much of their wonderful lives.
ReplyDeleteOh, just heartbreaking. Your last line sums up the rest of the poem so powerfully. Thank you for sharing this heartache with us!
ReplyDeleteWow. Leigh Anne, this is beautiful. So sorry for your loss and his loss. Thank you for sharing with us.
ReplyDeleteI have so many connections with your poem. Thanks for sharing. I am so sorry for both your loss and his. For me it has been 16 years. My father also missed out on so much with his family and especially my children. Lately, I decided to search out some happy or positive memories because so many were painful and quicker to come to mind. I have found a few good memories and I hold on tightly.
ReplyDeleteSuch a powerful poem. I also can connect in many ways. My dad passed 19 years ago in October. We had our ups and downs for sure. Thank you for sharing this beautiful piece of writing.
ReplyDeleteThis tears at my heart. While I lost my father in my youht, the idea that scares me more would be leaving one of my daughters hurting. Leaving questions unanswered. How brave of you to share these thoughts. Thank you. I will pray for your healing to continue.
ReplyDelete