We had the perfect plan. All our Ts were crossed and Is were dotted. My sister took Mom and her caregiver out for lunch while my brother, husband, daughter, and I quickly packed. We had very little time to move Mom's things to the memory care unit before she unknowingly arrived.
The men loaded the love seat and tables, while Megan and I packed pictures and a few personal items. Her clothes were already moved the day before. In under 30 minutes we were packed and ready. The plan was on schedule.
As I looked back before shutting the door, I saw the opened can of diet coke and the honey bun wrapper from the morning's breakfast still sitting on the counter.
And then it hit me. The realization that she was never coming back home.
I wasn't quite ready for that part of the plan.
Thank you Two Writing Teachers for creating a space to share our stories.
Leigh Anne - you capture this moment so perfectly. I know this moment well having done it three times now. Five years after putting my mother-in-law in memory care, I'm still in denial, still thinking
ReplyDeleteshe will get back to the home she so loved. Thank you for this post. I feel less alone.
Oh, Leigh Anne, the details you captured here captured the push and pull I know you were feeling. I hope that visiting her in her new place will give you some comfort as she will be safe and supported.
ReplyDeleteErika
Beautifully written...the rush, rush, rush. hen in a glance, you are stopped in your tracks to really see what is happening. Powerful moment and powerful writing. Thanks for sharing. May your mother settle in to this next chapter.
ReplyDeleteOh, Leigh Anne, I feel so deeply for you and have shared this very experience. It's so hard to lose a parent so slowly. My only consolation is that I know my mother is getting the best care. I hope you trust the caregivers. We had one bad experience and we couldn't get Mom out fast enough. If you want to talk, I'm here. All I can offer is presence.
ReplyDeleteOh my. The images of packing and the unopened can and wrapper and these tears were not part of the plan, either. I am so there with you. I had a moment this past week seeing my father's memory come and go - - in one FaceTime, he got his granddaughters confused, and in a visiting moment he stood lost on a familiar street. I am here with you in the same emotional space, and I'm praying that your heart will find the comfort and reassurance you need in the days ahead.
ReplyDeleteLeigh Anne, I know what you're going through in a different sense. I've been there - as I was literally shutting the door on my past life, looking at my own keys on the kitchen table, feeling the door close and lock behind me... I had been excited for that day, looking forward to moving on, knowing it would change my life for the better... and I crumbled in anguish. I wish I could be a shoulder for you. May you find peace through writing and sharing with others your thoughts and feelings.
ReplyDeleteThis slice needed to be captured. The pace, details and emotions are significant. Moving your mom to care is a big change, the kind that brings some grief even when you know it is the best thing to do. I am glad that you are here, writing, and hope to see you on following Tuesdays.
ReplyDeleteLeigh Anne, I don’t know how a daughter can ever be fully prepared for such a move as this. This aging thing is not for the faint of heart, is it. All kinds of emotions overwhelm us. Years ago Erma Bombeck wrote an essay centered on the question, “When does the child become the parent and the parent become the child?” It’s in moves like the one you’re experiencing that we find the answer. Peace to you.
ReplyDeleteIt is so hard. and sad. We just did this with my grandma. It sucks when they are aware and disappointed. They are grieving the life lost. I'm sorry you're going through this, and I see you.
ReplyDeleteOh, you captured this moment so well. It's so easy to get so caught up in creating a plan and putting a plan into action that you can almost lose sight of where you're "going". Your realization (that can and wrapper--what a gut punch!) was a powerful one and brought me to tears. Such a hard and loving thing to do. Thinking of you and your family.
ReplyDeleteYou had the perfect plan and then a moment in time stopped you in your tracks. We can't always plan for everything, but you captured this beautifully. I remember driving my mother to the nursing home and knowing she would not be back home. It was a difficult time. My thoughts are with you as you navigate this new time. Hugs, my friend.
ReplyDeletePrevious comment came from Ramona.
Delete