Every Thursday Holly Mueller from Reading, Teaching, Learning, creates a place where readers can share their spiritual journeys.
Forgiveness is difficult. Forgiveness is complicated. Forgiveness is freedom.
Throughout my life, I have had a difficult time with forgiveness. My relationship with my father was strained from my teenage years until the day he died. When he and my mother divorced, our relationship began to divide even further because I blamed him for breaking up our family. Many things happened after the divorce, and I let those things control me. Forgiveness was difficult.
I felt in my heart that when I forgive, I must admit what was done was OK. Many times it is not. It certainly was not with my father. A part of me did not want to forgive because it was synonymous with approval. I wrestled with this for many years. Forgiveness was complicated.
I remember watching an episode of The Oprah Winfey show where she talked about an "aha moment" about the definition of forgiveness. Oprah quotes a guest on her show, "Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could be any different."
I do believe I came to a point where I forgave my father. It was not that I accepted what he did, or that forgiving made it right. I accepted what was done, and the past was not going to run my life. Through the grace of God, I was able to let it it go. Forgiveness is freedom.